Since announcing my decision to relocate the office, I’ve had some interesting comments from clients. People have bid “Goodbye Office” as they walk out or “It looks so naked in here” as they observe the cleared-out space. Some have touched the walls or asked me: “Are you keeping that?” Many have asked if “this is a good thing” or “how are you handling the move?” These conversations have prompted discussions about change: How change is hard yet necessary, when is a good time to make a change, etc. These conversations have therapeutic relevance and amid moving, I thought it important to pause and talk about change, including how uncomfortable it feels.

There are many “change theories” out there, especially in nursing and healthcare. I think the best metaphor for anxiety and stress related to change comes from a psychiatrist and rabbi named Dr. Abraham Twerski. I have referred to the lobster metaphor in my practice and wanted to acknowledge its significance. Dr. Twerski’s original description of the lobster discarding its shell is lengthy and heavy on biology, but the basic message is: As the lobster grows, it becomes too big for its shell, resulting in discomfort and pain. The lobster then seeks a safe place, under a rock or in a cave, to cast off its shell and begin to grow a new one. During this period, called molting, the lobster has a temporary soft shell, making it vulnerable to predators. As molting is complete, the lobster can resume its development in the new shell, allowing for further growth.

As humans, we have much to learn from the lobster. When our bodies feel stressed and anxious, it signals that it is time to do something. In this case, the end of the lease and impending rent hike provoked anxiety and discomfort, signaling a change may be necessary. Like the lobster, I required a safe space to contemplate my options and plan: Stay in my comfortable office (and my office was so comfortable! Or move to a new and unfamiliar setting? Crawling under the metaphorical rock meant talking over the options with friends and family. After considering the possibilities, I chose to give up the current space and look for a new office. As in the metaphor, this is the decision to leave the safe and comfortable behind.

Now for the molting phase. Setting up the new office while still seeing people in the current space, paying the moving expenses, packing, and tossing six years’ worth of stuff has caused varying levels of anxiety over the past few weeks. This is the hardest part of the change process: Tolerating the discomfort of both leaving the familiar and entering an unknown situation.

During this process, the lobster metaphor has been helpful: To remember that stress signals change is necessary, space is required for growth, and that while the process is difficult, the opportunities are worth the short-term stress. When we ignore our “change signals,” we can become stuck in resistance and while change is hard, resistance is worse; leaving us trapped in a negative cycle of self-doubt, feelings of failure, and hopeless. At the rational level, we understand that change is necessary, such as starting an exercise routine or leaving a relationship. However, once the distress and anxiety surface, our bodies naturally resist the change as a protection against discomfort. We remain in situations that may no longer be beneficial (and may in fact be harmful) because resisting is preferable over the uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, vulnerability, and fear. As I say to the younger clients, these are “big feelings” that are not easily tolerated or even expressed but as emotional beings, we need to build our distress tolerance to move forward. Easier said than done, I know.

Here’s the thing: Change does not need to be big to be impactful. The next time you experience anxiety or stress over a possible change, remember the lobster and do something, even if it’s something small, such as moving to a different room to change perspective or driving a different way home. Even small changes teach our brains that discomfort is not only temporary, but beneficial to personal growth. I am very much looking forward to the new space and although this process has been stressful, I remain optimistic that like the lobster, I will be more comfortable in this new environment.